I slept five whole hours last night – and all in a single stretch! This is my big news. Five hours in a single stretch: literally the first time for more than two weeks. I know the natural assumption is that it must feel like a relief, but, honestly, it’s not that simple…
I woke up into the darkness, with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude: for the universe, for Réka and the opportunity to be here – as well as for the fast itself. I sat down to meditate, with the expanse of gratitude laid out as a back-drop to everything in my mind. It felt and continues to feel like an inner smile expanding from all directions in and around my heart. Everywhere, almost as if my body were breathing the mantra: ‘thank you, thank you, thank you…’
Today is the last full day of fasting. By the evening I’ll already be into Day 21. The feeling, which came to me as I woke up this morning, is that of when you’re about to say goodbye to an old friend whom you know you’re not going to see for a while. There’s an element of regret in parting from each other, but you know that your friendship is stronger than the time and distance you’ll be spending apart. And besides, you know you’ll meet again…
I woke up this morning, my first thought slightly tinged with sadness at how close the end of the fast is. It really is close now. After today, just one more full day before Day 21, and I slowly begin to reintroduce food back into my life…
Driving into town yesterday provided a reference point about how my consciousness has naturally and gradually opened from a more focussed perspective. In retrospect, the whole trip itself provided another, deeper reference point, because since then – in breaking the solitude and continuity of being here at the cottage, as well as in buying the food which will break the 21 days of pure water – I keep finding myself thinking about the approaching end of the fast…
Today I went into town to buy fruit for the end of my fast. The thought of going to the shops had a certain exotic excitement to it – in contrast to my usual apathy towards shopping. And yet, mixed into the feeling was also one of slight sadness that the fast is going to end soon. Driving the 10km from the village into town, I realised that I’m really not quite with it…
Last night I realised that I’m at the three-quarters point of the fast. But numbers mean nothing. They cut up the truth of unadulterated reality. The truth is, I often can’t even remember which day of the fast I’m on, let alone what day of the week it is…
Physically, no changes to speak of. I slept more last night – a good five or six hours. Maybe in the end I really have been sleeping too little. One more thought on that…
I’ve not written in the last couple of days because there really hasn’t been any significant change to talk about. Subtle shifts, yes, but it’s taken a couple of days to establish whether these are real or just my imagination. Maybe first and foremost has been a gradually rise in mental energy – as opposed to physical energy which, although slightly stronger, still falls into the “hitting the wall” category of debilitating weakness…
Well, at this point I’m over the half-way point of the fast. I would’ve thought it should feel like an emotional milestone, but it just feels like another day…